Hello :)

ohcaptainmycaptain1918:

gwheeler:

My kind of comedy

Funny story about Bill Nye: so a friend of mine back in Ottawa was at the Science and Tech Museum, and she didn’t know it, but apparently Bill Nye was guest appearing there that day. So she is waiting for the elevator and this guy walks up beside her to wait for it, too. She turns and looks at him and immediately recognizes him. Completely forgetting that she’s a grown adult, she points at him and exclaims, “BILL NYE!” He glances at her and gives her this really fucking weird look, and she thinks, Oh fuck, I completely just embarrassed myself in front of Bill Nye and now he probably thinks I’m some creepy stalker or something. So the elevator doors open and he walks in, and she’s just too stunned and mortified to get in behind him; she just stands there, staring. He’s in the elevator, alone, with his back to her.

Just as the doors are closing, he whips around, points at her, and shouts, “SCIENCE!” and then the doors close. 

(via breadinthetoaster)

cedricdigory:

whenever i need a laugh i remember that if he hadn’t died james potter would have been dudley’s uncle. Picture James interacting with dudley. just do it, picture the scene

(via breadinthetoaster)

misha-dmitri-t-krushnic-collins:

pivotalwolf:

anorie:

lotrlockedwhovian:

baara:

the lady behind the counter asked how much whipped cream I wanted and I asked for a shit ton and then she came back with this

We now know the exact amount of shit ton, thank you for your contribution

#Excellent customer service

I used to work at Dunkin and I swear you would do things like this on peoples ridiculous requests and it either got a chuckle and a thank you… Or they bitched you out for being a smart ass.
Example: one time a dude asked for heavy cream so my cashier asked how white they wanted the coffee and they said make it purple. So I went to the decoration area and got flavorless food dye and made it purple. Never had a dude laugh harder in my life

this woukd have made me so happy

misha-dmitri-t-krushnic-collins:

pivotalwolf:

anorie:

lotrlockedwhovian:

baara:

the lady behind the counter asked how much whipped cream I wanted and I asked for a shit ton and then she came back with this

We now know the exact amount of shit ton, thank you for your contribution

I used to work at Dunkin and I swear you would do things like this on peoples ridiculous requests and it either got a chuckle and a thank you… Or they bitched you out for being a smart ass.

Example: one time a dude asked for heavy cream so my cashier asked how white they wanted the coffee and they said make it purple. So I went to the decoration area and got flavorless food dye and made it purple. Never had a dude laugh harder in my life

this woukd have made me so happy

(via cas-in-a-box)

freshcleanfit:

Here are some wintry animals reminding you to have a nice day and please take care of yourself because you are lovely!

(via cas-in-a-box)

Anonymous asked: What's the most illegal thing you ever did?

sephyerite:

almanzapedia:

At Stanford there was this Professor who was a total bitch and she taught British Literature, which was cool. Except she taught only her opinions of the books and it didn’t help me as a writer. I went to school to learn new things to improve my craft, not have someone else’s opinions carved onto my forehead.

So anyway, for our final project, she asked us to write a ten page paper on why the color symbolism in Othello was so significant. I did some research and it turned out that she did her entire graduate thesis on this very subject. I was mad. This wasn’t teaching, this was boosting her ego. SO I wrote a ten page essay on why color symbolism in Othello wasn’t significant, satirizing it to the point of no return, saying that her opinion was an opinion and shouldn’t be taken seriously.

SHe failed me, needless to say. So in retaliation, I responded by baking a batch of brownies laced with weed and laxatives and delivered them myself to the professor hours before her big graduation speech. I told her that it was a peace offering, my way of apologizing and asking if I could do anything to fix my grade.

She refused to fix my grade.

In the end, she shit herself on stage.

I didn’t regret it.

No mercy.